Skal du på date?

av | jan 19, 2020 | Relasjoner

Her får du en liste med spørsmål som garanterer at det blir en interessant kveld! Listen er prøvd ut i en studie utført av professor Arthur Aron og kollegaer ved State University of New York og har fått massiv oppmerksomhet. Studien handler om å bygge en nær relasjon, ikke nødvendigvis bare for kjærestepar, men også for andre. Tanken er å unngå vanlig småprat om vær og vind slik at man raskere kommer inn på hverandre. Ta hele listen om dere har tid, eller plukk ut noen av spørsmålene og spar noen til neste gang, det er opp til dere.

Er dere et par som er på første date så er den siste oppgaven (etter at dere har gått gjennom spørsmålene) å se på hverandre i fire minutter uten å snakke sammen. Forfatteren Mandy Le Catron prøvde dette opplegget med stor skepsis, men endte opp med å forelske seg! Hør hennes Ted Talk her: https://www.ted.com/talks/mandy_len_catron_falling_in_love_is_the_easy_part/transcript#t-40956  

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say Why?
  4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you could live to 90 and retain either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you’ll die?
  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes to tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  14. Is there something you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  16. What do you value most in a friendship?
  17. What is your most treasured memory?
  18. What is your most terrible memory?
  19. If you knew you’d die suddenly in a year’s time, would you change anything about the way you live now? Why?
  20. What does friendship mean to you?
  21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  22. Take turns sharing something you consider a positive characteristic in your partner. Share a total of five items.
  23. How close and warm is your family? Do you think your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
  25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling . . .”
  26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share . . .”
  27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, share what would be important for them to know.
  28. Tell your partner what you like about them. Be honest, saying things you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  31. Tell your partner something you like about them already.
  32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to save one last item. What would it be? Why?
  35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to feel about the problem you’ve chosen.

Kilde: Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363-377.

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